Cause and Effect Essay
Feminist Dating
Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie defines feminism as “the belief in the social, economic and political equality of the sexes", I also identify and agree with this definition of feminism. These feminist ideals have heavily influenced and affected my view of all aspects of my life. My feminist ideals have had a positive effect on many aspects of my life whether it be in my work, my character or even my dating life. I have realized I do not need a relationship to be happy, I am not half of an incomplete person searching for a man to make me “whole”. I do not tolerate mistreatment from my partner. I expect my partner to treat me as an equal, never less or more of a person than himself. Most importantly I know I can express my ideas and opinions freely knowing they are valid and important. Feminism teaches that people are equal in all aspects of life regardless of gender and I firmly believe this ideal has positively affected my dating life.
I know that I hold these opinions because of my feminist views and not any other factor such as age because there are many people my age and older who do not hold these ideas about dating. They fall into unhealthy dating patterns and unfavorable relationships because they do not affiliate themselves with the ideals I have listed above. Without feminism I would also be practicing unhealthy dating patterns and dating the wrong people.
My dating life has greatly improved since I opened my heart to feminist ideals and teachings. Feminism has allowed women to become more independent and make many more of their own choices when it comes to their life. One of these choices is whether or not to be in a relationship. Many people believe that once they get into a relationship they will be happy and “complete”. They believe that they need a romantic relationship to be a happy fulfilled individual. Some people with this opinion will often enter into unfavorable or even unhealthy relationships just so they can say they are indeed in a relationship. This is an unhealthy approach to dating. Even worse, those who are not in a relationship are seen as poor unfortunate souls, somehow defective because of their single status. However with the help of feminism I have been able to deconstruct these false narratives and realize I do not need to be in a romantic relationship with someone else to make myself happy. I do not need a man to complete me, I am a complete person already. I will only enter into romantic relationships to share my life, thoughts and affection with another person. I will not enter into a romantic relationship because I feel that without it I would be doomed to unhappiness. I am happy both single and in a relationship.
Feminism has also imparted on to me a great deal of self-respect. I will not tolerate mistreatment from anyone, especially my significant other. Name calling, disrespect, distrust and abusive behavior of any kind will never be tolerated. I will not tolerate these acts of disrespect because I expect my partner to treat me as an equal, never less or more important than himself. No one will “wear the pants” in our relationship because we both make decisions and compromises. A relationship based on equality is a healthy positive relationship.
Finally feminism has helped me believe my ideas and opinions are valid. I would only enter into a relationship where I know I can express myself without being labeled “crazy”. This term has been used to dismiss women and their thoughts for centuries and I would never tolerate a partner who brushes off my concerns with this dismissive phrase. I know what I have to say is important and if my partner is not willing to listen to me then I’m not willing to be with them.
Respect, equality, confidence, and choice are all aspects of a healthy relationship. These are also a part of feminism. These ideals have helped shape my view of the world and also my view of dating. Without feminism I would still believe I needed a relationship to be happy. I would tolerate disrespect and mistreatment fearing a breakup and the doom of being single. I would not expect my partner to treat me as an equal and I would not express my concerns for fear of being labeled “crazy”. Feminism has truly caused my dating life to become more healthy, positive and enjoyable.